Communication Revisited

Almost 4 years ago, I posted the following blog:

"It seems ironic that I'm about to write a blog about how the world can no longer seem to effectively communicate with one another.  However, what other outlet do I have to voice such concerns at this point in my life?  Right now I'm reading a book titled Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit, about giving girls better options on how to develop intimacy, relationality, and emotionality with others in their lives.  The world it seems is so backwards on what we define as liberal, or open, that it truly is repressing rather than freeing us.  In a world where random hookups, blogs, Instant Messenging, MySpace, and Facebook are the norm of communication, we seem to have lost our ability to truly communicate with others.  Even as I name the title of the book I'm reading, others seem to cringe, thinking that the opposite of Girls Gone Wild, the play on words in which the book is titled after, must mean boring, prude, or somehow inferior to this so-called revolution that is happening right now in America. What I find most interesting so far those in this read is Shalit's chapter called, Excuse Me Ma'am, Have You Seen My Friends?  She says, "Today's teens approach their friends much the way previous generations asked for dates with the opposite sex.  They don't want to appear needy, as if they have "nothing to do," so they end up not hanging out much."  She goes on to talk about other young women who, spend countless hours texting or IMing with their friends, but rarely see their friends because no one would dare pick up the phone and call each other.  She says in comparison to the 1800s, "By contrast, when no longer shuffled to and fro by her parents, a young woman is likely to be shut in her dorm room.  She instant-messages, often furiously, but doesn't necessarily have anyone to get together with." Now I apologize if this sounds like a book report, but Shalit could not be more dead on with how society seems to be today.  She mentions a study performed by professors at Duke University from June 2006, which found that "Americans have one-third fewer close friends and confidants today than 2 decades ago, and the number of people who say they have 'no friends' has more than doubled."

So, how tragic it is that in a world full of lonely people, all seeking to find companionship, love, and friendship, that we seek to find our gratification through the artificial rather than the real?  We seek to find popularity through MySpace and Facebook, by how many "friends" we have listed there, rather than striving to build real relationships with the people immediately around us.  We can't miss Grey's Anatomy every Thursday, but can't seem to find the time to call back our friends, who really matter in our lives.

There is no one answer to how to solve this problem America is facing.  It's a loaded problem, with a loaded answer.  But perhaps if we could start by reaching out to others, and striving to communicate on a more personal level, then maybe we could find the connections and relationships that all of us are really searching for."

Now, back to 2011 Jen, as I reflect on this post, almost 4 years to the date that I posted it, I can see how my ideas have evolved yet remained constant.  My feminist ideas have grown and developed in this time, and it is easier for me to formulate now how I feel this concept affects women's issues.

I still strongly believe that a lot of the issues that women face are due to a lack of connectivity at home, in social circles, and in the workplace.  In the LDS world, activities are planned around getting as many single people together as possible in one place, rather than a focus on forming individual connections.  In the workplace, women are marginalized, while mostly upper management men make decisions that women in the workforce must follow without a voice that connects them to the people making decisions.  I think these disconnected interactions are then reflected in women's personal lives, where our voices are not heard, or respected as greatly as they should be, and that this perpetuates a "learned helplessness" in interactions even with those who are supposed to be our primary support network.

It may be my own bias toward a desire for connection with people on a more intimate level, but my life experience shows me that the greatest fulfillment comes from knowing people in depth, not breadth.