Despite my feminist leanings, I still can't help but swoon a little at any man who stands up and offers his seat to a woman on the subway.
But then I got to thinking, can I simultaneously advocate the concept of chivalry and the concept of feminism? I worried that accepting chivalry would be to accept some kind of "special treatment" that would therefore negate the premises of feminism.
Dictionary.com's definition of chivalry is: "The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." Well, sounds to me like all of those qualities are highly admirable (though dexterity in arms is a little less applicable today). I then expanded this discussion with my friend Jenn (she's 2 n's, I'm 1). She said she would add to this definition, "chivalry celebrates the differences in the sexes."
But,I would like to take Jenn's definition of chivalry one step further and say that my brand of feminism "celebrates the differences in the sexes". I do not believe in the old brand of feminism that strives to make men out of women.
Rather, I think it is important that feminism gives equal opportunity to women, while simultaneously celebrating the inherent differences between men and women.
So, my answer for now then, is yes, Chivalry and Feminism please.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mysterious Disappearances
I've been using Facebook disproportionately more than usual at this temp job. Add that Facebook has made some changes today, including the addition of "lists" on the left hand toolbar, and the amount of time clocked today would borderline an unhealthy level. Which brings me to the discovery today that someone I know unfriended me.
I'm all in favor of full disclosure and constructive criticism, and therefore propose this additional "update" to Facebook.
If you unfriend someone, Facebook should give you a drop down to inquire as to why, and send this feedback to the unfriended. I've even come up with the reasons that they can provide:
1. The person's status updates have become unbearable and hiding the person just isn't going to cut it.
2. The person was never a "friend" to begin with.
3. The person was a "real life" friend at one point, and no longer is, i.e., you've already unfriended in the flesh.
4. Stalking has reached an unhealthy level--either on your end or theirs.
I may or may not have unfriended people for these exact reasons. But, I can't help but want to know others' line of reasoning for unfriending me. Afterall, if you have chosen any of those above reasons, how offended could one be to receive this type of "notification"?
There you go, Zuckerberg.
I'm all in favor of full disclosure and constructive criticism, and therefore propose this additional "update" to Facebook.
If you unfriend someone, Facebook should give you a drop down to inquire as to why, and send this feedback to the unfriended. I've even come up with the reasons that they can provide:
1. The person's status updates have become unbearable and hiding the person just isn't going to cut it.
2. The person was never a "friend" to begin with.
3. The person was a "real life" friend at one point, and no longer is, i.e., you've already unfriended in the flesh.
4. Stalking has reached an unhealthy level--either on your end or theirs.
I may or may not have unfriended people for these exact reasons. But, I can't help but want to know others' line of reasoning for unfriending me. Afterall, if you have chosen any of those above reasons, how offended could one be to receive this type of "notification"?
There you go, Zuckerberg.
This Just In, My Celebrity Look Alike
I just got told by the broadway-singer-in-another-life doorman:
*Holds elevator*...."Darling, you know who you look like? A YOUNG Elvis Presley. Now don't take this the wrong way darling, it's not a bad thing."
Right.
*Holds elevator*...."Darling, you know who you look like? A YOUNG Elvis Presley. Now don't take this the wrong way darling, it's not a bad thing."
Right.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Guilty Pleasures
Because I feel like it. Enjoy.
1. Buying expensive high heels that I can't afford, and know I will never wear.
I may or may not have a pair of BCBG heels I have worn one time. And a pair of Guess heels I have worn twice.
2. Celebrity Gossip.
I can never get enough of knowing what's happening with Patrick Dempsey and his precious little family. I mean, just in case things go bad, I need to know when to step in.
3. $1.95 Big Gulp Diet Coke at 7-11 despite the RIDICULOUS price.
(86 cent fountain drink from QT was less of a guilty pleasure financially)
4. Teen Pop Music.
Yes, I might have Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Tisdale on my iPod.
5. Ordering something from every category on the menu, just because my parents aren't there to tell me not to.
Yes, I'd like a fruity drink, an appetizer, a meal, and a dessert please.
1. Buying expensive high heels that I can't afford, and know I will never wear.
I may or may not have a pair of BCBG heels I have worn one time. And a pair of Guess heels I have worn twice.
2. Celebrity Gossip.
I can never get enough of knowing what's happening with Patrick Dempsey and his precious little family. I mean, just in case things go bad, I need to know when to step in.
3. $1.95 Big Gulp Diet Coke at 7-11 despite the RIDICULOUS price.
(86 cent fountain drink from QT was less of a guilty pleasure financially)
4. Teen Pop Music.
Yes, I might have Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Tisdale on my iPod.
5. Ordering something from every category on the menu, just because my parents aren't there to tell me not to.
Yes, I'd like a fruity drink, an appetizer, a meal, and a dessert please.
Mesearch
Well. Because I have the next 6 hours in front of me to potentially do nothing at all, you, my dedicated readers (which so far, is only 3 of you), get to hear my latest rant. (And really, feel free to click "follow" at the top left of your screen.)
I had an adviser at Columbia that would always say, "Research is Me-search". So, if my blog seems skewed in relation to career and identity topics, it likely coincides with the fact that I am trying to figure out my career identity. So I've been doing a lot of research and thinking a lot about what the necessary pieces for a successful vocation are.
I remember a graph in my career counseling class that put low and high income on the y-axis and low and high prestige on the x-axis. Based on which categories you fit in to, you are then put in to a particular quadrant. Counseling, for example, is low income, high prestige. However, the position I am at right now, whatever it's title may be, would be classified as low prestige, high(ish) income. Through my journeying, I am realizing what quadrant I would prefer to be in. While counseling was an ill fit for me, I prefer the low income, high prestige category.
Now unfortunately, most low income, high prestige positions (teaching, counseling, social work, motherhood) are predominately or solely (e.g. motherhood) occupied by women. This begs the question of whether womens' career choices are viewed as admirable, yet undervalue from a financial standpoint. To me, this seems like a nice pat on the head from society. "Noble cause women, but don't think we're about to pay you for what your cause is worth." This isn't a new idea, but I'm sure starting to feel the repercussions of it in my own life.
In order for women to be highly compensated in her career track, she must either a) enter a career predominantly occupied by men, or b)assimilate for masculine traits in to her identity. As neither A nor B sound like valid options for me, this begs the question:
Is it possible for my identity as a woman to flourish, enter a career that offers me a valuable identity and significant amount of prestige, and be highly compensated for it? I'd like to think I'm not asking too much, for that opportunity seems to exist for the majority of men in this world (well as long as they toe the party line of what society has deemed "masculine" that is).
I had an adviser at Columbia that would always say, "Research is Me-search". So, if my blog seems skewed in relation to career and identity topics, it likely coincides with the fact that I am trying to figure out my career identity. So I've been doing a lot of research and thinking a lot about what the necessary pieces for a successful vocation are.
I remember a graph in my career counseling class that put low and high income on the y-axis and low and high prestige on the x-axis. Based on which categories you fit in to, you are then put in to a particular quadrant. Counseling, for example, is low income, high prestige. However, the position I am at right now, whatever it's title may be, would be classified as low prestige, high(ish) income. Through my journeying, I am realizing what quadrant I would prefer to be in. While counseling was an ill fit for me, I prefer the low income, high prestige category.
Now unfortunately, most low income, high prestige positions (teaching, counseling, social work, motherhood) are predominately or solely (e.g. motherhood) occupied by women. This begs the question of whether womens' career choices are viewed as admirable, yet undervalue from a financial standpoint. To me, this seems like a nice pat on the head from society. "Noble cause women, but don't think we're about to pay you for what your cause is worth." This isn't a new idea, but I'm sure starting to feel the repercussions of it in my own life.
In order for women to be highly compensated in her career track, she must either a) enter a career predominantly occupied by men, or b)assimilate for masculine traits in to her identity. As neither A nor B sound like valid options for me, this begs the question:
Is it possible for my identity as a woman to flourish, enter a career that offers me a valuable identity and significant amount of prestige, and be highly compensated for it? I'd like to think I'm not asking too much, for that opportunity seems to exist for the majority of men in this world (well as long as they toe the party line of what society has deemed "masculine" that is).
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The American Dream....And Then You Woke Up
Disclaimer: Optimists and Idealists beware.
According to our friends at Wikipedia, "The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success." This idea has sustained itself through the centuries, and even American Family Insurance is running a campaign right now asking consumers to vote on whether the American Dream is in fact real.
I'd love to be blogging about something interesting happening in my comings and goings today, but seeing as I'm sitting in a live tomb right now, the odds are strikingly low. This same observation about my day leads me to give American Family Insurance my answer.
It doesn't seem to me that freedom includes this so-called "promise". At least it definitely doesn't guarantee it. Not to mention it's only the promise of a possibility. What kind of odds are those? In light of recent events in my job search, relocation, interviewing, and more interviewing, it seems that opportunity is presented to a certain demographic, or that there appears to be a certain "factor" employers are looking for. Education and ability alone does not prosperity make--because if that were the case I'd be rich and successful. Instead, I"m interviewing for jobs that offer a pittance of a salary despite the requirement for higher education and experience, or offer to give me the dementor's kiss in exchange for a day at their office.
I'm fully convinced that women are not given the same opportunities as men, people of color not give the same opportunities as Whites, large people not given the same opportunities as thin, and older people not the same opportunity as young. America has morphed in to a society of -isms, and those values subsequently and largely categorize your range of ability within your own sphere to capture this so-called dream.
This may mean that having any hope or dream at all in the face of this kind of reality is pretty slim.
According to our friends at Wikipedia, "The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success." This idea has sustained itself through the centuries, and even American Family Insurance is running a campaign right now asking consumers to vote on whether the American Dream is in fact real.
I'd love to be blogging about something interesting happening in my comings and goings today, but seeing as I'm sitting in a live tomb right now, the odds are strikingly low. This same observation about my day leads me to give American Family Insurance my answer.
It doesn't seem to me that freedom includes this so-called "promise". At least it definitely doesn't guarantee it. Not to mention it's only the promise of a possibility. What kind of odds are those? In light of recent events in my job search, relocation, interviewing, and more interviewing, it seems that opportunity is presented to a certain demographic, or that there appears to be a certain "factor" employers are looking for. Education and ability alone does not prosperity make--because if that were the case I'd be rich and successful. Instead, I"m interviewing for jobs that offer a pittance of a salary despite the requirement for higher education and experience, or offer to give me the dementor's kiss in exchange for a day at their office.
I'm fully convinced that women are not given the same opportunities as men, people of color not give the same opportunities as Whites, large people not given the same opportunities as thin, and older people not the same opportunity as young. America has morphed in to a society of -isms, and those values subsequently and largely categorize your range of ability within your own sphere to capture this so-called dream.
This may mean that having any hope or dream at all in the face of this kind of reality is pretty slim.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
And Then There Was The Time I Lynched A Shark Tank Judge
So my sister informed me the other night that she was watching Shark Tank, and plus-size fashion designer, Gayla Bentley, asked for an investment for a high-end line of plus-size fashion clothing.
While debating whether this was a sales pitch worth investing in, one judge wondered, "Is it possible that larger sized women don't care about fashion as much?"
There are so many assumptions and microaggressions (thanks Dr. Derald Sue) wrapped up in that statement that I don't even know where to begin.
In my opinion, the judge implies that a person who wears over a size 12 in clothing (and Bentley points out that 60% of women in the United States do. which I then confirmed with the US Department of Health) must not care about her personal appearance. Seems to me that he implies that size is 100% personal choice, and that if these women (myself included) cared enough about fashion, we'd have the decency to lose a few pounds.
Nevermind those who struggle with slow metabolism, hypothyroidism, disability, or PCOS. Last I checked, a symptom of PCOS wasn't "lack of interest in fashion." Not to mention that this judge just lumped together an entirely large (no pun intended) and diverse group of women, with no regard for individual differences or preferences.
Then again, maybe we really all are too busy sitting on the couch eating Oreos by the box to care what clothes we have on.
While debating whether this was a sales pitch worth investing in, one judge wondered, "Is it possible that larger sized women don't care about fashion as much?"
There are so many assumptions and microaggressions (thanks Dr. Derald Sue) wrapped up in that statement that I don't even know where to begin.
In my opinion, the judge implies that a person who wears over a size 12 in clothing (and Bentley points out that 60% of women in the United States do. which I then confirmed with the US Department of Health) must not care about her personal appearance. Seems to me that he implies that size is 100% personal choice, and that if these women (myself included) cared enough about fashion, we'd have the decency to lose a few pounds.
Nevermind those who struggle with slow metabolism, hypothyroidism, disability, or PCOS. Last I checked, a symptom of PCOS wasn't "lack of interest in fashion." Not to mention that this judge just lumped together an entirely large (no pun intended) and diverse group of women, with no regard for individual differences or preferences.
Then again, maybe we really all are too busy sitting on the couch eating Oreos by the box to care what clothes we have on.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
"Yes, I know how to send a fax"
The ample amount of free time that has recently become my life, coupled with the raging inner feminist in me dying to get out, has rekindled my desire to keep up with my blog.
I'm currently temping at a Firm Which Shall Not Be Named in New York City, and it is currently testing my level of tolerance for the amount of mind-numbing time I can endure. However, periodically, I am asked to do something.
Now, a little background--I am the administrative assistant for 4 gentlemen who are too lazy (or maybe too busy, or maybe too rich, I can't decide) to do the mundane tasks I am asked to do. Imagine Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof, multiply it by 4, add a modern day spin that includes yelling incessantly about closing deals, and I've accurately depicted my current environment.
So while I'm being paid an unusually large sum of money given the level of responsibility I have, I cannot help but see this as a situation that shatters my hope that a woman's place in the world has really progressed all that much.
I have now been asked 3 times by the gentlemen that I work for: "Do you know how to send a fax?"
Oh wait? What? That little special machine with buttons and numbers on it? And a tray to put papers in?
YES, I KNOW HOW TO SEND A FAX.
I can't help but wonder if a male were sitting at this desk if he would be asked the same insulting question.
I'm currently temping at a Firm Which Shall Not Be Named in New York City, and it is currently testing my level of tolerance for the amount of mind-numbing time I can endure. However, periodically, I am asked to do something.
Now, a little background--I am the administrative assistant for 4 gentlemen who are too lazy (or maybe too busy, or maybe too rich, I can't decide) to do the mundane tasks I am asked to do. Imagine Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof, multiply it by 4, add a modern day spin that includes yelling incessantly about closing deals, and I've accurately depicted my current environment.
So while I'm being paid an unusually large sum of money given the level of responsibility I have, I cannot help but see this as a situation that shatters my hope that a woman's place in the world has really progressed all that much.
I have now been asked 3 times by the gentlemen that I work for: "Do you know how to send a fax?"
Oh wait? What? That little special machine with buttons and numbers on it? And a tray to put papers in?
YES, I KNOW HOW TO SEND A FAX.
I can't help but wonder if a male were sitting at this desk if he would be asked the same insulting question.
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