Waxing Philosophical

This seems to be the first year I've really embraced the "life is a journey, not a destination" notion.  I graduated from Columbia with a blank slate in front of me and no idea what to make of it.  And so far, it's been quite the roller coaster.  It's been an incredible year in discovering what is going to work for me post-school life, post-graduation, and post-emerging-adulthood if you will.  I'm discovering that this is my narrative, my story, I'm the author, that the best is still unwritten and all that jazz.

I remember sitting at Thai Market in October, with my 3 new roommates, 2 from India, and 1 Indian American, and marveling at the shift my life has taken.  From the confusion of working in counseling and not knowing my next step, to realizing that I don't need to know my next step, to just taking it day by day, to embracing every new opportunity that has come my way, I was truly taken aback by the emotion I felt.  It was a moment I truly felt connected to the human spirit, to the beauty of life, how it evolves, and how each day can really bring new and unexpected opportunities.

So, 3 jobs, 1 career shift, 1 cross-country relocation, 1 new best friend, and 1 boyfriend later, I've learned the following lessons about life and about myself (with a little sarcasm mixed in) in 2011:

1.  I can be my most harsh critic.  Redefining failure and success has completely altered my view of the world and the risks I am wiling to take.

2. I have the best friends in the world.  I would not, and I mean that literally, be where I am sitting today, without their support.  Friends who encouraged me to follow my heart, who let me sleep in their living rooms and spare bedrooms for weeks on end, who fed or bought me dinner, who cheered me on through long days of interviews, through homesickness, loneliness, doubts, all the way to celebrating victories and laughs, and even getting me through a hurricane.

3.  The amount of money in your checking account (or the amount of money you owe in student loans) is not directly related to your happiness.  That's not saying that I don't still wish that one of those Change.org petitions about erasing everyone's student loans wouldn't magically change my life, but still.

4.  My family will always be my family.  Cliche I know.  And brilliant I know.  But, I am learning through all the shifts, that whether or not it's time for my parents to downsize and move in to a different house than what I consider "home", or my brother living in Argentina, or my younger sister having a baby, my even younger sister getting ready to graduate high school, or my older sister flourish in to a successful entrepreneur, that all that is required of me is to reach out and connect and that none of these external changes really matter.

5.  I'm going to be ok.  It doesn't matter if I live in Arizona, New York, or Timbuktu, if I make 10 dollars an hour or 50, if I listen to myself and what is best for me, I will always find my way.

So as I get ready to head home for the holidays and close out this year, I am thinking of all the people I've been blessed to cross paths with, and resonating with these words:

My Heart is ravished with delight,
when thee I think upon;
All Grief and Sorrow takes the flight,
and speedily is gone;
The bright resemblance of thy Face,
so fills this, Heart of mine;
That Force nor Fate can me displease,
for Auld Lang Syne.

25 Facts About Me and My Life Part Deux

By popular demand (ok not really), I am writing a sequel to my original Facebook post containing 25 facts about me and my life.  For the first edition, click here.

So without further adieu:

1.  Due to the recent events of my life, I know way too much about drug addiction.  Including what heroin withdrawals, pill overdose, and just plain craziness look like.

2.  I hate washing my hair.

3.  I am morally opposed to all things below 50 degrees farenheit.  This weather change causes me to do things fiscally irresponsible like buy inordinate amounts of boots and scarves, and hail cabs without realizing it.

4.  I have stitches on my left arm from playing on a broken swingset.  I have stitches on my forehead from crashing in to the corner of a dresser.

5.  I am a sucker for all things miniature (including babies, snowmen, and all things travel size).

6.  I do an uncanny impersonation of Elmo (and have a slight obsession with him).

7.  My sister Stephanie and I quote random people from our past on an almost daily basis.  This includes my BYU college roommates, former coworkers who probably don't remember who we are, all the way to random strangers we rode the bus with in elementary school.

8.  My sister Angela and I have developed a random affinity towards talking in alien voices, which then prompts my impression of Toucan Sam.

9.  I. Love. Pizza. And bagels.  This may be why I have a love/hate relationship with New York City.

10.  I am a raging feminist, with a love for all things gender celebratory.  But, I don't kill bugs.  That's a man's job.

11.  Despite my training as a counselor, if you try to explain instructions or rules to me, I will immediately tune out and stop listening.

12.  I like to randomly use words I learned from studying for the GRE in 2007, including amalgamate.  And abscond.

13.  I love watching movies.  I hate watching TV.

14.  Flying on airplanes makes me nauseous.  I hate the smell of stale air.  I compensate for this by purchasing trashy magazines and 14 different kinds of snacks before boarding.

15.  I secretly want to be the next person to record the subway announcements for the New York MTA.

16.  I am simultaneously a peace maker and a drama queen.

17.  Because everyone seems to feel betrayed when they learn they never knew this about me, I am left handed.  There, I said it.

18.  For some odd reason, I have a reputation for being loud.

19.  I'm basically a vegetarian.  Except for cheeseburgers.  And carne asada.

20.  I am bad at taking eye exams.  I have been incorrectly prescribed strong corrective lenses about 10 times throughout my childhood.

21.  If you care, my love language is quality time.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can click here.

22.  Diet coke.  Duh.

23.  I have a (slightly) irrational fear of driving over water.  Bridges collapse sometimes.  Like in Harry Potter 6 for example.

24.  I have social anxiety.  It's a real thing.

25.  Oh, and I'm part of the 99%.

And Then Skinny was STILL the New Skinny

Thanks to the fact that some people read my blog, I have had some kind friends and family give me links to things that are in line with my interests.

The latest is this article: http://healthyisthenewskinny.com/2011/10/beautiful-imperfection-katie-halchishick%E2%80%99s-iconic-photo-hits-the-stands/ that discusses the nude photo of Katie Halchishick, who has dotted lines superimposed to show where the "perfection" lines would be drawn in most typical model shots. 

While I love the idea that "healthy is the new skinny" I'm yet to be convinced that one photo of a (still quite) thin (and probably still quite airbrushed) woman is that much progress in the right direction.  This article simultaneously cites the novelist Amy Bloom who wrote a "Dear Every Woman" article for this feature in O magazine.  Bloom encourages women to "walk around pretending" you like your body because it does no good to compare yourself to the airbrushed models on billboards. Bloom further says, "Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone’s daughter, makes the world a better place….".

First off, if you ask me, self-love shouldn't have anything to do with your size.  Second, this article alone sends a contradictory message.  To me it says, "things aren't really changing, so just try and ignore the billboards." As in, "you're still going to have to muster up the gusto inside of you to convince yourself you have a great body".  Even the 15 year old girl surveyed for this article stated that the picture made her feel bad if this was the image of less than perfect that we've come up with.

The article points to two other iconic photos of "larger" women that have hit the media as well (one of which is an image in one of my previous posts). I have a hard time seeing how 3 photos, versus thousands, or even millions of photos of skeletal women, could do much to truly convince women that healthy really in fact is, the new skinny.  But perhaps the media has a different definition of even the word "healthy" at this point.

Lane Bryant: Monopolizing the Market and Taking Advantage of Plus Size Women Everywhere

It's not a secret that there are not many clothing options available to plus size women.  Before Torrid emerged on the market in 2001 (I have a love/hate relationship with this retailer that will not be discussed here), Lane Bryant was literally almost the only retailer focusing on the plus size market.  Many consumers don't realize that Lane Bryant also owns two other well known plus size options--both Fashion Bug and Catherine's.  I will acknowledge that other retailers carry a plus-size line, but this is typically online only, or a selection of 2 or 3 items.

While it's commendable that Lane Bryant has decided to market size 14+ while many retailers continue to cap their items at a size 14, I cannot help but feel there is an inherent evil in the monopoly they currently hold, and what this does to the clothing fate of a plus size woman.

My grievances:

Price:  Most of Lane Bryant's items are HIGHLY overpriced for what they are. Basic tops with no special branding run upwards of 50 dollars, and jeans in similar categories run around 100.

Quality:  Which brings me to my next bullet.  It would be one thing if high priced items were high quality.  But typically, items from Lane Bryant have poor stitching, are made of fabrics that fade, and are in general mediocre quality items.  If I wanted an H&M quality item, I would go to H&M.  But wait...there are slim to no plus size options at H&M.

Fashion: Now I will say that Lane Bryant has made SOME efforts in recent years to appeal to a wider audience, most of the "fashions" provided are aligned with an old-school notion that plus-size women all look the same, and that any patterned tent will do.  Lane Bryant does have different "shapes" for their jeans and slacks lines as of a couple years ago, however, I still cannot seem to get any of the 3 options to work for me.
 
Customer Service:  Finally, it's rare to find quality customer service at a Lane Bryant.  I typically have to seek out a sales associate to open a room for me, they lack knowledge on item availability or shipping options, and have a general blase attitude about customer service.

The sad thing here is, Lane Bryant doesn't have to do anything about any of this to stay in business.  Because most 14+ size women don't have any other choice but to get ripped off just to clothe themselves.

My Thoughts Exactly

This was posted on LDS WAVE today:

 

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and b...eautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)

By: Delphine Fieberg

Old Fashioned Chivalry and Modern Day Feminism

Despite my feminist leanings, I still can't help but swoon a little at any man who stands up and offers his seat to a woman on the subway.

But then I got to thinking, can I simultaneously advocate the concept of chivalry and the concept of feminism?  I worried that accepting chivalry would be to accept some kind of "special treatment" that would therefore negate the premises of feminism.

Dictionary.com's definition of chivalry is:  "The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms."  Well, sounds to me like all of those qualities are highly admirable (though dexterity in arms is a little less applicable today).  I then expanded this discussion with my friend Jenn (she's 2 n's, I'm 1).  She said she would add to this definition, "chivalry celebrates the differences in the sexes."

But,I would like to take Jenn's definition of chivalry one step further and say that my brand of feminism "celebrates the differences in the sexes".  I do not believe in the old brand of feminism that strives to make men out of women.

Rather, I think it is important that feminism gives equal opportunity to women, while simultaneously celebrating the inherent differences between men and women.

So, my answer for now then, is yes, Chivalry and Feminism please.

Mysterious Disappearances

I've been using Facebook disproportionately more than usual at this temp job. Add that Facebook has made some changes today, including the addition of "lists" on the left hand toolbar, and the amount of time clocked today would borderline an unhealthy level. Which brings me to the discovery today that someone I know unfriended me.

I'm all in favor of full disclosure and constructive criticism, and therefore propose this additional "update" to Facebook.

If you unfriend someone, Facebook should give you a drop down to inquire as to why, and send this feedback to the unfriended.  I've even come up with the reasons that they can provide:

1.  The person's status updates have become unbearable and hiding the person just isn't going to cut it.
2.  The person was never a "friend" to begin with.
3.  The person was a "real life" friend at one point, and no longer is, i.e., you've already unfriended in the flesh.
4.  Stalking has reached an unhealthy level--either on your end or theirs.

I may or may not have unfriended people for these exact reasons.  But, I can't help but want to know others' line of reasoning for unfriending me.  Afterall, if you have chosen any of those above reasons, how offended could one be to receive this type of "notification"?

There you go, Zuckerberg. 

This Just In, My Celebrity Look Alike

I just got told by the broadway-singer-in-another-life doorman:

*Holds elevator*...."Darling, you know who you look like?  A YOUNG Elvis Presley.  Now don't take this the wrong way darling, it's not a bad thing."

Right.

Guilty Pleasures

Because I feel like it. Enjoy.

1.  Buying expensive high heels that I can't afford, and know I will never wear. 

I may or may not have a pair of BCBG heels I have worn one time.  And a pair of Guess heels I have worn twice.

2.  Celebrity Gossip. 

I can never get enough of knowing what's happening with Patrick Dempsey and his precious little family.  I mean, just in case things go bad, I need to know when to step in.

3.  $1.95 Big Gulp Diet Coke at 7-11 despite the RIDICULOUS price. 

(86 cent fountain drink from QT was less of a guilty pleasure financially)

4.  Teen Pop Music. 

Yes, I might have Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Tisdale on my iPod.

5.  Ordering something from every category on the menu, just because my parents aren't there to tell me not to. 

Yes, I'd like a fruity drink, an appetizer, a meal, and a dessert please.

Mesearch

Well.  Because I have the next 6 hours in front of me to potentially do nothing at all, you, my dedicated readers (which so far, is only 3 of you), get to hear my latest rant.  (And really, feel free to click "follow" at the top left of your screen.)

I had an adviser at Columbia that would always say, "Research is Me-search".  So, if my blog seems skewed in relation to career and identity topics, it likely coincides with the fact that I am trying to figure out my career identity.  So I've been doing a lot of research and thinking a lot about what the necessary pieces for a successful vocation are.

I remember a graph in my career counseling class that put low and high income on the y-axis and low and high prestige on the x-axis.  Based on which categories you fit in to, you are then put in to a particular quadrant.  Counseling, for example, is low income, high prestige.  However, the position I am at right now, whatever it's title may be, would be classified as low prestige, high(ish) income.  Through my journeying, I am realizing what quadrant I would prefer to be in.  While counseling was an ill fit for me, I prefer the low income, high prestige category.

Now unfortunately, most low income, high prestige positions (teaching, counseling, social work, motherhood) are predominately or solely (e.g. motherhood) occupied by women.  This begs the question of whether womens' career choices are viewed as admirable, yet undervalue from a financial standpoint.  To me, this seems like a nice pat on the head from society.  "Noble cause women, but don't think we're about to pay you for what your cause is worth."  This isn't a new idea, but I'm sure starting to feel the repercussions of it in my own life.

In order for women to be highly compensated in her career track, she must either a) enter a career predominantly occupied by men, or b)assimilate for masculine traits in to her identity.  As neither A nor B sound like valid options for me, this begs the question: 

Is it possible for my identity as a woman to flourish, enter a career that offers me a valuable identity and significant amount of prestige, and be highly compensated for it?  I'd like to think I'm not asking too much, for that opportunity seems to exist for the majority of men in this world (well as long as they toe the party line of what society has deemed "masculine" that is).

The American Dream....And Then You Woke Up

Disclaimer:  Optimists and Idealists beware.

According to our friends at Wikipedia, "The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success."  This idea has sustained itself through the centuries, and even American Family Insurance is running a campaign right now asking consumers to vote on whether the American Dream is in fact real.

I'd love to be blogging about something interesting happening in my comings and goings today, but seeing as I'm sitting in a live tomb right now, the odds are strikingly low.  This same observation about my day leads me to give American Family Insurance my answer.

It doesn't seem to me that freedom includes this so-called "promise".  At least it definitely doesn't guarantee it.  Not to mention it's only the promise of a possibility.  What kind of odds are those?  In light of recent events in my job search, relocation, interviewing, and more interviewing, it seems that opportunity is presented to a certain demographic, or that there appears to be a certain "factor" employers are looking for.  Education and ability alone does not prosperity make--because if that were the case I'd be rich and successful.  Instead, I"m interviewing for jobs that offer a pittance of a salary despite the requirement for higher education and experience, or offer to give me the dementor's kiss in exchange for a day at their office.

I'm fully convinced that women are not given the same opportunities as men, people of color not give the same opportunities as Whites, large people not given the same opportunities as thin, and older people not the same opportunity as young.  America has morphed in to a society of -isms, and those values subsequently and largely categorize your range of ability within your own sphere to capture this so-called dream. 

This may mean that having any hope or dream at all in the face of this kind of reality is pretty slim.

And Then There Was The Time I Lynched A Shark Tank Judge

So my sister informed me the other night that she was watching Shark Tank, and plus-size fashion designer, Gayla Bentley, asked for an investment for a high-end line of plus-size fashion clothing.

While debating whether this was a sales pitch worth investing in, one judge wondered, "Is it possible that larger sized women don't care about fashion as much?"

There are so many assumptions and microaggressions (thanks Dr. Derald Sue) wrapped up in that statement that I don't even know where to begin.

In my opinion, the judge implies that a person who wears over a size 12 in clothing (and Bentley points out that 60% of women in the United States do. which I then confirmed with the US Department of Health) must not care about her personal appearance.  Seems to me that he implies that size is 100% personal choice, and that if these women (myself included) cared enough about fashion, we'd have the decency to lose a few pounds.

Nevermind those who struggle with slow metabolism,  hypothyroidism, disability, or PCOS.  Last I checked, a symptom of PCOS wasn't "lack of interest in fashion." Not to mention that this judge just lumped together an entirely large (no pun intended) and diverse group of women, with no regard for individual differences or preferences.

Then again, maybe we really all are too busy sitting on the couch eating Oreos by the box to care what clothes we have on.

"Yes, I know how to send a fax"

The ample amount of free time that has recently become my life, coupled with the raging inner feminist in me dying to get out, has rekindled my desire to keep up with my blog.

I'm currently temping at a Firm Which Shall Not Be Named in New York City, and it is currently testing my level of tolerance for the amount of mind-numbing time I can endure.  However, periodically, I am asked to do something.

Now, a little background--I am the administrative assistant for 4 gentlemen who are too lazy (or maybe too busy, or maybe too rich, I can't decide) to do the mundane tasks I am asked to do.  Imagine Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof, multiply it by 4, add a modern day spin that includes yelling incessantly about closing deals, and I've accurately depicted my current environment.

So while I'm being paid an unusually large sum of money given the level of responsibility I have, I cannot help but see this as a situation that shatters my hope that a woman's place in the world has really progressed all that much.

I have now been asked 3 times by the gentlemen that I work for: "Do you know how to send a fax?"

Oh wait? What? That little special machine with buttons and numbers on it?  And a tray to put papers in?

YES, I KNOW HOW TO SEND A FAX.

I can't help but wonder if a male were sitting at this desk if he would be asked the same insulting question.

Communication Revisited

Almost 4 years ago, I posted the following blog:

"It seems ironic that I'm about to write a blog about how the world can no longer seem to effectively communicate with one another.  However, what other outlet do I have to voice such concerns at this point in my life?  Right now I'm reading a book titled Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit, about giving girls better options on how to develop intimacy, relationality, and emotionality with others in their lives.  The world it seems is so backwards on what we define as liberal, or open, that it truly is repressing rather than freeing us.  In a world where random hookups, blogs, Instant Messenging, MySpace, and Facebook are the norm of communication, we seem to have lost our ability to truly communicate with others.  Even as I name the title of the book I'm reading, others seem to cringe, thinking that the opposite of Girls Gone Wild, the play on words in which the book is titled after, must mean boring, prude, or somehow inferior to this so-called revolution that is happening right now in America. What I find most interesting so far those in this read is Shalit's chapter called, Excuse Me Ma'am, Have You Seen My Friends?  She says, "Today's teens approach their friends much the way previous generations asked for dates with the opposite sex.  They don't want to appear needy, as if they have "nothing to do," so they end up not hanging out much."  She goes on to talk about other young women who, spend countless hours texting or IMing with their friends, but rarely see their friends because no one would dare pick up the phone and call each other.  She says in comparison to the 1800s, "By contrast, when no longer shuffled to and fro by her parents, a young woman is likely to be shut in her dorm room.  She instant-messages, often furiously, but doesn't necessarily have anyone to get together with." Now I apologize if this sounds like a book report, but Shalit could not be more dead on with how society seems to be today.  She mentions a study performed by professors at Duke University from June 2006, which found that "Americans have one-third fewer close friends and confidants today than 2 decades ago, and the number of people who say they have 'no friends' has more than doubled."

So, how tragic it is that in a world full of lonely people, all seeking to find companionship, love, and friendship, that we seek to find our gratification through the artificial rather than the real?  We seek to find popularity through MySpace and Facebook, by how many "friends" we have listed there, rather than striving to build real relationships with the people immediately around us.  We can't miss Grey's Anatomy every Thursday, but can't seem to find the time to call back our friends, who really matter in our lives.

There is no one answer to how to solve this problem America is facing.  It's a loaded problem, with a loaded answer.  But perhaps if we could start by reaching out to others, and striving to communicate on a more personal level, then maybe we could find the connections and relationships that all of us are really searching for."

Now, back to 2011 Jen, as I reflect on this post, almost 4 years to the date that I posted it, I can see how my ideas have evolved yet remained constant.  My feminist ideas have grown and developed in this time, and it is easier for me to formulate now how I feel this concept affects women's issues.

I still strongly believe that a lot of the issues that women face are due to a lack of connectivity at home, in social circles, and in the workplace.  In the LDS world, activities are planned around getting as many single people together as possible in one place, rather than a focus on forming individual connections.  In the workplace, women are marginalized, while mostly upper management men make decisions that women in the workforce must follow without a voice that connects them to the people making decisions.  I think these disconnected interactions are then reflected in women's personal lives, where our voices are not heard, or respected as greatly as they should be, and that this perpetuates a "learned helplessness" in interactions even with those who are supposed to be our primary support network.

It may be my own bias toward a desire for connection with people on a more intimate level, but my life experience shows me that the greatest fulfillment comes from knowing people in depth, not breadth.

"I'm going to pray that God is a woman"

This line, from HBO's "Iron Jawed Angels", (possibly one of my favorite films of all time), often resonates with me.  In the context of the film, a modernized yet historical account of the women's suffrage movement, the character Lucy Burns says this to Alice Paul in hopes that if this were true, women would get the right to vote.

However, this line does not come to mind for me in regards to women's suffrage, but rather on a much more personal level in my own exploration of who I worship and to whom it is I pray.  In my own journey towards spirituality and knowing God, I am striving to know the nature of the God that I worship.

Joseph Smith said, "It is the first principle of the Gospel to know for a certainty the Character of God."  If this is indeed the 1st...not 2nd, not figure it out at some point, but indeed FIRST principle of the Gospel to which I belong, then for me this is the most fundamental thing I can learn.  Yet while it is fundamental, it is one of the most difficult journeys for me to undertake to date.

This concept intersects particularly with feminism for me as I explore the nature of who I am as well as a woman.  How does God view me as a woman?  As his daughter?  What does God want for his daughters?  If God is a man, how was I indeed created in his image?  How can God know the female experience?

I do not know the answers yet to these questions.  Therefore, the most important thing I am learning is that the nature and character of God is much more complex than I previously realized.  I think learning this first basic principle is a lifelong process.  As I strive to understand God's nature, I can begin to build a relationship with God based on who I know Him to be.  Most importantly, and the marked change I am beginning to let transform me, is that I am beginning to feel comfortable recognizing that this Higher Power, while it is the only constant in my life, is a lot more fluid than I previously have given room to accept.  I am just now learning to sit with, and be comfortable with the fact that, as Nephi, I do not know the meaning of all things.  But I want to.  Which I think is a great starting point for me in struggling with my relationship with my Maker.

What's Sexy Now?

I have never been a fan of Victoria Secret, or the image they promote of what "sexy" is. 

Too many women are striving for an "ideal" that is unattainable.  And despite the fact the magazine Glamour in recent years have committed to showing more "real" women in their magazine, I, as a subscriber have yet to see this come to fruition on their pages.

While I typically choose to turn a blind-eye to the Victoria Secret ads, I couldn't help but feel shocked to see the recent models and the bold words that state, "What's Sexy Now" superimposed on these images.

The message sent here is clear.  What's "sexy" now is blonde, anorexic, tan, White.

However, Lane Bryant's recent campaign, "Sexy is not a Size", which received a lot of media attention, portrays the bodies of "real" women, which in my opinion, is infinitely more sexy.

Feminism to me is to reject size-ism, and all that it encourages women everywhere to reach for:  an unhealthy striving toward an unattainable fantasy.  Feminism to me is that a woman deserves to love herself for who she is, and to ban the self-loathing, the guilt, and shame that the media and society has imposed upon women for simply being human.

Loving yourself, and every curve, or quote "imperfection" that defines you for who are you?  That's sexy.

Honing My Domestic Skills

So this post doesn't exactly hold to my commitment to explore feminist ideology and Mormon ideology and all of that deep stuff, but bear with me.

I often peruse the blog http://www.mormonfeministhousewives.org/, and a woman there posed the question (or something to this effect): "If God wanted to be a mother and a nurturer, etc., why is there not a single domestic-like bone in my body?"

Keeping that question in mind, I went to put my dress on this morning thinking to myself, "I want to look feminine today, none of those awful work pants."  I noticed a seam separating from the zipper, so what did I do to fix it? 

Yep. I stapled it.  Problem solved.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

The search for my identity and my need for self-reflection has always been insatiable. I've always been a deep thinker (albeit with a healthy dose of sarcasm). I feel the neverending need to think, reflect, evaluate, analyze, reframe. (Hmm, that sounds like the job description of a therapist, go figure.)

Paradoxically, I discovered feminism during the course of my studies at BYU.  Reading the history and stories of women bound by oppression, servitude, silence, and that I was participating in this world run by patriarchy was shocking to me.  My continued discovery of social injustice expanded through my education at Columbia (not so paradoxical this time), and it ignited the flame in me to become a social justice advocate.

As I have searched deeper within the stories of these women, including women of my own faith, I found not only heartbreak, but enlightenment, faith, and hope.  These stories resonated with me, and inspired me to begin to tell my own story, and to leave my own legacy.

For me, the search for my identity as a woman is directly correlated to my search for a whole relationship with God.  The reconciliation of my feminist ideology with Mormon ideology is a spiritual journey.  Finding the one-ness I seek with a higher power involves the exploration of what is at the core of me as a woman.  It is a lifelong journey, and one I intend to start to reflect on, using this blog.