This seems to be the first year I've really embraced the "life is a journey, not a destination" notion. I graduated from Columbia with a blank slate in front of me and no idea what to make of it. And so far, it's been quite the roller coaster. It's been an incredible year in discovering what is going to work for me post-school life, post-graduation, and post-emerging-adulthood if you will. I'm discovering that this is my narrative, my story, I'm the author, that the best is still unwritten and all that jazz.
I remember sitting at Thai Market in October, with my 3 new roommates, 2 from India, and 1 Indian American, and marveling at the shift my life has taken. From the confusion of working in counseling and not knowing my next step, to realizing that I don't need to know my next step, to just taking it day by day, to embracing every new opportunity that has come my way, I was truly taken aback by the emotion I felt. It was a moment I truly felt connected to the human spirit, to the beauty of life, how it evolves, and how each day can really bring new and unexpected opportunities.
So, 3 jobs, 1 career shift, 1 cross-country relocation, 1 new best friend, and 1 boyfriend later, I've learned the following lessons about life and about myself (with a little sarcasm mixed in) in 2011:
1. I can be my most harsh critic. Redefining failure and success has completely altered my view of the world and the risks I am wiling to take.
2. I have the best friends in the world. I would not, and I mean that literally, be where I am sitting today, without their support. Friends who encouraged me to follow my heart, who let me sleep in their living rooms and spare bedrooms for weeks on end, who fed or bought me dinner, who cheered me on through long days of interviews, through homesickness, loneliness, doubts, all the way to celebrating victories and laughs, and even getting me through a hurricane.
3. The amount of money in your checking account (or the amount of money you owe in student loans) is not directly related to your happiness. That's not saying that I don't still wish that one of those Change.org petitions about erasing everyone's student loans wouldn't magically change my life, but still.
4. My family will always be my family. Cliche I know. And brilliant I know. But, I am learning through all the shifts, that whether or not it's time for my parents to downsize and move in to a different house than what I consider "home", or my brother living in Argentina, or my younger sister having a baby, my even younger sister getting ready to graduate high school, or my older sister flourish in to a successful entrepreneur, that all that is required of me is to reach out and connect and that none of these external changes really matter.
5. I'm going to be ok. It doesn't matter if I live in Arizona, New York, or Timbuktu, if I make 10 dollars an hour or 50, if I listen to myself and what is best for me, I will always find my way.
So as I get ready to head home for the holidays and close out this year, I am thinking of all the people I've been blessed to cross paths with, and resonating with these words:
My Heart is ravished with delight,
when thee I think upon;
All Grief and Sorrow takes the flight,
and speedily is gone;
The bright resemblance of thy Face,
so fills this, Heart of mine;
That Force nor Fate can me displease,
for Auld Lang Syne.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
25 Facts About Me and My Life Part Deux
By popular demand (ok not really), I am writing a sequel to my original Facebook post containing 25 facts about me and my life. For the first edition, click here.
So without further adieu:
1. Due to the recent events of my life, I know way too much about drug addiction. Including what heroin withdrawals, pill overdose, and just plain craziness look like.
2. I hate washing my hair.
3. I am morally opposed to all things below 50 degrees farenheit. This weather change causes me to do things fiscally irresponsible like buy inordinate amounts of boots and scarves, and hail cabs without realizing it.
4. I have stitches on my left arm from playing on a broken swingset. I have stitches on my forehead from crashing in to the corner of a dresser.
5. I am a sucker for all things miniature (including babies, snowmen, and all things travel size).
6. I do an uncanny impersonation of Elmo (and have a slight obsession with him).
7. My sister Stephanie and I quote random people from our past on an almost daily basis. This includes my BYU college roommates, former coworkers who probably don't remember who we are, all the way to random strangers we rode the bus with in elementary school.
8. My sister Angela and I have developed a random affinity towards talking in alien voices, which then prompts my impression of Toucan Sam.
9. I. Love. Pizza. And bagels. This may be why I have a love/hate relationship with New York City.
10. I am a raging feminist, with a love for all things gender celebratory. But, I don't kill bugs. That's a man's job.
11. Despite my training as a counselor, if you try to explain instructions or rules to me, I will immediately tune out and stop listening.
12. I like to randomly use words I learned from studying for the GRE in 2007, including amalgamate. And abscond.
13. I love watching movies. I hate watching TV.
14. Flying on airplanes makes me nauseous. I hate the smell of stale air. I compensate for this by purchasing trashy magazines and 14 different kinds of snacks before boarding.
15. I secretly want to be the next person to record the subway announcements for the New York MTA.
16. I am simultaneously a peace maker and a drama queen.
17. Because everyone seems to feel betrayed when they learn they never knew this about me, I am left handed. There, I said it.
18. For some odd reason, I have a reputation for being loud.
19. I'm basically a vegetarian. Except for cheeseburgers. And carne asada.
20. I am bad at taking eye exams. I have been incorrectly prescribed strong corrective lenses about 10 times throughout my childhood.
21. If you care, my love language is quality time. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can click here.
22. Diet coke. Duh.
23. I have a (slightly) irrational fear of driving over water. Bridges collapse sometimes. Like in Harry Potter 6 for example.
24. I have social anxiety. It's a real thing.
25. Oh, and I'm part of the 99%.
So without further adieu:
1. Due to the recent events of my life, I know way too much about drug addiction. Including what heroin withdrawals, pill overdose, and just plain craziness look like.
2. I hate washing my hair.
3. I am morally opposed to all things below 50 degrees farenheit. This weather change causes me to do things fiscally irresponsible like buy inordinate amounts of boots and scarves, and hail cabs without realizing it.
4. I have stitches on my left arm from playing on a broken swingset. I have stitches on my forehead from crashing in to the corner of a dresser.
5. I am a sucker for all things miniature (including babies, snowmen, and all things travel size).
6. I do an uncanny impersonation of Elmo (and have a slight obsession with him).
7. My sister Stephanie and I quote random people from our past on an almost daily basis. This includes my BYU college roommates, former coworkers who probably don't remember who we are, all the way to random strangers we rode the bus with in elementary school.
8. My sister Angela and I have developed a random affinity towards talking in alien voices, which then prompts my impression of Toucan Sam.
9. I. Love. Pizza. And bagels. This may be why I have a love/hate relationship with New York City.
10. I am a raging feminist, with a love for all things gender celebratory. But, I don't kill bugs. That's a man's job.
11. Despite my training as a counselor, if you try to explain instructions or rules to me, I will immediately tune out and stop listening.
12. I like to randomly use words I learned from studying for the GRE in 2007, including amalgamate. And abscond.
13. I love watching movies. I hate watching TV.
14. Flying on airplanes makes me nauseous. I hate the smell of stale air. I compensate for this by purchasing trashy magazines and 14 different kinds of snacks before boarding.
15. I secretly want to be the next person to record the subway announcements for the New York MTA.
16. I am simultaneously a peace maker and a drama queen.
17. Because everyone seems to feel betrayed when they learn they never knew this about me, I am left handed. There, I said it.
18. For some odd reason, I have a reputation for being loud.
19. I'm basically a vegetarian. Except for cheeseburgers. And carne asada.
20. I am bad at taking eye exams. I have been incorrectly prescribed strong corrective lenses about 10 times throughout my childhood.
21. If you care, my love language is quality time. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can click here.
22. Diet coke. Duh.
23. I have a (slightly) irrational fear of driving over water. Bridges collapse sometimes. Like in Harry Potter 6 for example.
24. I have social anxiety. It's a real thing.
25. Oh, and I'm part of the 99%.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
And Then Skinny was STILL the New Skinny
Thanks to the fact that some people read my blog, I have had some kind friends and family give me links to things that are in line with my interests.
The latest is this article: http://healthyisthenewskinny.com/2011/10/beautiful-imperfection-katie-halchishick%E2%80%99s-iconic-photo-hits-the-stands/ that discusses the nude photo of Katie Halchishick, who has dotted lines superimposed to show where the "perfection" lines would be drawn in most typical model shots.
While I love the idea that "healthy is the new skinny" I'm yet to be convinced that one photo of a (still quite) thin (and probably still quite airbrushed) woman is that much progress in the right direction. This article simultaneously cites the novelist Amy Bloom who wrote a "Dear Every Woman" article for this feature in O magazine. Bloom encourages women to "walk around pretending" you like your body because it does no good to compare yourself to the airbrushed models on billboards. Bloom further says, "Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone’s daughter, makes the world a better place….".
First off, if you ask me, self-love shouldn't have anything to do with your size. Second, this article alone sends a contradictory message. To me it says, "things aren't really changing, so just try and ignore the billboards." As in, "you're still going to have to muster up the gusto inside of you to convince yourself you have a great body". Even the 15 year old girl surveyed for this article stated that the picture made her feel bad if this was the image of less than perfect that we've come up with.
The article points to two other iconic photos of "larger" women that have hit the media as well (one of which is an image in one of my previous posts). I have a hard time seeing how 3 photos, versus thousands, or even millions of photos of skeletal women, could do much to truly convince women that healthy really in fact is, the new skinny. But perhaps the media has a different definition of even the word "healthy" at this point.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Lane Bryant: Monopolizing the Market and Taking Advantage of Plus Size Women Everywhere
It's not a secret that there are not many clothing options available to plus size women. Before Torrid emerged on the market in 2001 (I have a love/hate relationship with this retailer that will not be discussed here), Lane Bryant was literally almost the only retailer focusing on the plus size market. Many consumers don't realize that Lane Bryant also owns two other well known plus size options--both Fashion Bug and Catherine's. I will acknowledge that other retailers carry a plus-size line, but this is typically online only, or a selection of 2 or 3 items.
While it's commendable that Lane Bryant has decided to market size 14+ while many retailers continue to cap their items at a size 14, I cannot help but feel there is an inherent evil in the monopoly they currently hold, and what this does to the clothing fate of a plus size woman.
My grievances:
Price: Most of Lane Bryant's items are HIGHLY overpriced for what they are. Basic tops with no special branding run upwards of 50 dollars, and jeans in similar categories run around 100.
Quality: Which brings me to my next bullet. It would be one thing if high priced items were high quality. But typically, items from Lane Bryant have poor stitching, are made of fabrics that fade, and are in general mediocre quality items. If I wanted an H&M quality item, I would go to H&M. But wait...there are slim to no plus size options at H&M.
Fashion: Now I will say that Lane Bryant has made SOME efforts in recent years to appeal to a wider audience, most of the "fashions" provided are aligned with an old-school notion that plus-size women all look the same, and that any patterned tent will do. Lane Bryant does have different "shapes" for their jeans and slacks lines as of a couple years ago, however, I still cannot seem to get any of the 3 options to work for me.
Customer Service: Finally, it's rare to find quality customer service at a Lane Bryant. I typically have to seek out a sales associate to open a room for me, they lack knowledge on item availability or shipping options, and have a general blase attitude about customer service.
The sad thing here is, Lane Bryant doesn't have to do anything about any of this to stay in business. Because most 14+ size women don't have any other choice but to get ripped off just to clothe themselves.
While it's commendable that Lane Bryant has decided to market size 14+ while many retailers continue to cap their items at a size 14, I cannot help but feel there is an inherent evil in the monopoly they currently hold, and what this does to the clothing fate of a plus size woman.
My grievances:
Price: Most of Lane Bryant's items are HIGHLY overpriced for what they are. Basic tops with no special branding run upwards of 50 dollars, and jeans in similar categories run around 100.
Quality: Which brings me to my next bullet. It would be one thing if high priced items were high quality. But typically, items from Lane Bryant have poor stitching, are made of fabrics that fade, and are in general mediocre quality items. If I wanted an H&M quality item, I would go to H&M. But wait...there are slim to no plus size options at H&M.
Fashion: Now I will say that Lane Bryant has made SOME efforts in recent years to appeal to a wider audience, most of the "fashions" provided are aligned with an old-school notion that plus-size women all look the same, and that any patterned tent will do. Lane Bryant does have different "shapes" for their jeans and slacks lines as of a couple years ago, however, I still cannot seem to get any of the 3 options to work for me.
Customer Service: Finally, it's rare to find quality customer service at a Lane Bryant. I typically have to seek out a sales associate to open a room for me, they lack knowledge on item availability or shipping options, and have a general blase attitude about customer service.
The sad thing here is, Lane Bryant doesn't have to do anything about any of this to stay in business. Because most 14+ size women don't have any other choice but to get ripped off just to clothe themselves.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My Thoughts Exactly
This was posted on LDS WAVE today:
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and b...eautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)
By: Delphine Fieberg
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Old Fashioned Chivalry and Modern Day Feminism
Despite my feminist leanings, I still can't help but swoon a little at any man who stands up and offers his seat to a woman on the subway.
But then I got to thinking, can I simultaneously advocate the concept of chivalry and the concept of feminism? I worried that accepting chivalry would be to accept some kind of "special treatment" that would therefore negate the premises of feminism.
Dictionary.com's definition of chivalry is: "The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." Well, sounds to me like all of those qualities are highly admirable (though dexterity in arms is a little less applicable today). I then expanded this discussion with my friend Jenn (she's 2 n's, I'm 1). She said she would add to this definition, "chivalry celebrates the differences in the sexes."
But,I would like to take Jenn's definition of chivalry one step further and say that my brand of feminism "celebrates the differences in the sexes". I do not believe in the old brand of feminism that strives to make men out of women.
Rather, I think it is important that feminism gives equal opportunity to women, while simultaneously celebrating the inherent differences between men and women.
So, my answer for now then, is yes, Chivalry and Feminism please.
But then I got to thinking, can I simultaneously advocate the concept of chivalry and the concept of feminism? I worried that accepting chivalry would be to accept some kind of "special treatment" that would therefore negate the premises of feminism.
Dictionary.com's definition of chivalry is: "The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." Well, sounds to me like all of those qualities are highly admirable (though dexterity in arms is a little less applicable today). I then expanded this discussion with my friend Jenn (she's 2 n's, I'm 1). She said she would add to this definition, "chivalry celebrates the differences in the sexes."
But,I would like to take Jenn's definition of chivalry one step further and say that my brand of feminism "celebrates the differences in the sexes". I do not believe in the old brand of feminism that strives to make men out of women.
Rather, I think it is important that feminism gives equal opportunity to women, while simultaneously celebrating the inherent differences between men and women.
So, my answer for now then, is yes, Chivalry and Feminism please.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mysterious Disappearances
I've been using Facebook disproportionately more than usual at this temp job. Add that Facebook has made some changes today, including the addition of "lists" on the left hand toolbar, and the amount of time clocked today would borderline an unhealthy level. Which brings me to the discovery today that someone I know unfriended me.
I'm all in favor of full disclosure and constructive criticism, and therefore propose this additional "update" to Facebook.
If you unfriend someone, Facebook should give you a drop down to inquire as to why, and send this feedback to the unfriended. I've even come up with the reasons that they can provide:
1. The person's status updates have become unbearable and hiding the person just isn't going to cut it.
2. The person was never a "friend" to begin with.
3. The person was a "real life" friend at one point, and no longer is, i.e., you've already unfriended in the flesh.
4. Stalking has reached an unhealthy level--either on your end or theirs.
I may or may not have unfriended people for these exact reasons. But, I can't help but want to know others' line of reasoning for unfriending me. Afterall, if you have chosen any of those above reasons, how offended could one be to receive this type of "notification"?
There you go, Zuckerberg.
I'm all in favor of full disclosure and constructive criticism, and therefore propose this additional "update" to Facebook.
If you unfriend someone, Facebook should give you a drop down to inquire as to why, and send this feedback to the unfriended. I've even come up with the reasons that they can provide:
1. The person's status updates have become unbearable and hiding the person just isn't going to cut it.
2. The person was never a "friend" to begin with.
3. The person was a "real life" friend at one point, and no longer is, i.e., you've already unfriended in the flesh.
4. Stalking has reached an unhealthy level--either on your end or theirs.
I may or may not have unfriended people for these exact reasons. But, I can't help but want to know others' line of reasoning for unfriending me. Afterall, if you have chosen any of those above reasons, how offended could one be to receive this type of "notification"?
There you go, Zuckerberg.
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